His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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