It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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