no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
