Acid is not a monday night drug
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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