also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How does it feel to date your dad?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
