Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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