So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
