which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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