im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
