We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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