Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
