Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
