i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
