You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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