my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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