My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
