I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
