I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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