what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sorry about my life...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
