oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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