the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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