Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
