connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
