No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
