Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
