the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
