watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
