Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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