we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
