dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
