Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
two words...techno handjob
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When are your genitals available?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
