Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
