Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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