think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
