I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
