They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Life is so much better after having sex.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
