the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
