Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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