Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
