We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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