That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
