I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
