Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
