Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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