whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
