Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
How's work?
Spinning.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
