I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize