I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
