be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
