This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
